I do, I need a hug.
I have done it, I am moving and I am leaving everything that has dragged me down behind. I have broke my bf’s heart but this problems are killing me. I tried, but I am a part of this problems and I need to get away.
So here I sit, alone looking towards my future.
This is so fitting to me right now. Im a literal mess and my life a disaster. I have 2 guys that want me, one that loves me to death but treats me bad at times and may end up being the death of me and the other loves me sexually, at least thinks he still does even though it’s been 19 years, and thinks he wants me locked down for life. But neither one of these guys deserve my time right now because my son has not been in my house since before school started, because my heads so fucked I can’t even walk away from mental abuse, because I can’t stop putting others needs and wants before my own but let my son down by not putting his needs above my man’s and mine.
I can’t be more honest than that.
How do I stop all of this?? How do I say no more, I need a break when I know that my ex has nobody and relies on me more than a man should?? He did this, I’m not even feeling him anymore, but I want to be his friend help him through this. I care, I see him, know him in a way he didn’t even know himself, and I push him, challenge home, and am helping him see and understand himself.
See I’m a mess.
He is going to do time for this, he deserves it, he’s gotten away with it too many times. I’m not dropping the restraining order either, he’s going to own his shit. I want to see him learn to deal with his past, how to manage his switches, and control his insecurities and temper. He’s an amazing person just shouldn’t be with him until he’s in control.
Now how to tell him so I’m not leading him on?
And where is my son in all of this?? Fuck
This sucks, fucking sucks. Why do I love somebody that I shouldn’t be with? Why can’t I just walk away? I fucking love this guy but I’m done with the shit he does so what’s the point of staying with him because he doesn’t want to change enough to go out of his comfort zone for help.
He’s out of the house with a court issued no contact order. What he did was fucked up, fucked up to the point where I don’t want him around, especially if he isn’t getting help. No he didn’t put his hands on me, I actually left the house but he hurt me by destroying and damaging things that meant a lot to me. I have put up with so much from him but I’m done, but will I be able to break his heart?
Finally Fixing Me 