Floating

I feel trapped

Bouncing between worlds

Fake

Hiding a part of me to exist in one world

Acceptance

Never, not either world

Because I’m fake

I don’t belong

Just in between
~Hapless Confusion 2016

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Guess who finally got out!!

I finally did it, this week I focused on me! Ok more accurately I treated myself for a change and no it wasn’t a shopping trip. Last weekend I met up with a friend from middle and high school to see her daughter’s rock band perform. It’s one of those rock camps, but damn some of those kids have major talent and her daughter is one of them!

My friend and I had a drink before the show, but didn’t get to visit much which is what happens every year. To my surprise she texted me to plan a day to go out for drinks at this bar down the street with live music. Our plans for Friday feel through, but Saturday we met up. It was a fucking blast! Seriously the drinks were strong and the band was hot how much better can it get? Lol ok add in the free drink that one of the sound guys bought us (which was all rum with a small splash of coke) and that was the perfect end to our reunion.

The next day I took my son out to eat and to the movies. It’s been ages since I’ve done this and long overdue. We saw Suicide Squad and Lights out (movie hopping is the only way to justify the cost isn’t it?).  It felt so good to spend time just the 2 of us, I need to make sure we do so more often.

I have been neglecting a big part of myself for too long. I ask so happy I’m finally taking action and growing my friends and getting the heck out the house doing things I enjoy. I know the funds aren’t there to go all out, but little things here and there make a big difference. I feel so light and renewed.

Communication would have helped

Today was a pretty good day for the most part. There was some attitude from my nephew, but that’s becoming the norm on his new medicine (I pray they figure the meds out very soon), and then tonight hit…hmm, or was it thrown at the fan. Seriously I’m still sitting here trying to figure out WTF the real problem is because I know it’s not blankets. Is this how men feel in those stereotypical scenarios where their girl starts an argument over something trivial and won’t bring up the real issue?? If so I my heart goes out to anyone dealing with this.

No, I’m not going into the incident here, trust me it’s even more frustrating to retell and analyze.

I’m not a passive-aggressive person, I don’t sugar coat things for adults that need to hear the raw, and I don’t make up shit to cover what I actually said or did, I own it and will call you on your shit when you try to front. If something is wrong or needs attention then talk to that person! 

Maybe that’s part of my problem, I expect too much. Shit, I love my sister, but I can only bite my tongue so long and tonight was a night I had to let it loose, just enough. No I won’t be apologizing, I did nothing wrong and I know she won’t be apologizing either so…I guess we just keep moving forward, hopefully from different houses though. Just a few more days and I can leave for the month…

Want to know a secret? I’m actually jealous of sisters who are close and get along.

Want to know another secret?  I was kind of relieved I only have one kid because close sibling relations don’t seem to run in our family.