Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day everyone! 
We celebrated our mother-son bond last night with delicious restaurant Mexican food and a movie, Fate of the Furious. Such a wonderful time. My son bough me a Cinnamon Roll scented candle and I bought myself a picture for the living room and a smaller round folding tale for the patio so we can play cards on it this summer. It feels so good to have money again, a place to be where I’m helping others, and a son that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I also spoke with my mom and will celebrate her next month with a visit, God willing.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

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More surprises

It’s the little things, right? My son was supposed to go with a friend after school today so I took a much needed day of relaxation which included pajamas until after 4. Of course he would show up with his a different friend parading through the house right after school. He came home to give me a surprise, an Easter lily he selected for me!! 💜💜💜 this guy! He meLted my heart, all I could do was hug him and thank him. Sometimes he has a way of balancing out the previous months.

So excited, preparing for work!

It’s almost Wednesday, why is the week going so slowly?!?! I have orientation for my new job on Monday, then find out my schedule. I so can’t wait! Why do I have to wait?! Very few people in my life know me well, well the old me, the me who enjoys working and getting paid. Heck, they don’t even know the me that loves Nike’s and coats, eating out and dining with friends; this girl has been hidden and denied too long.

It’s amazing how simply accepting a job has boosted my mood and confidence. It’s hard living life making ends meet but not having anything left to spend on fun…one can only do the same free things so many times before it no longer feels fun. Five years and I feel like I’m starting a new life, almost like leaving home for the first time. 

Today I bought a shirt for my first day and can’t wait to shop for another. Tomorrow I plan to hang our big white board and set it up to operate as our command center, with me being gone so much my son will need a place to look so he knows what will need to be done and a place to communicate (hold our notes) so we don’t forget. I don’t know what my schedules will look like but I do know opening and closing shifts are going to happen, this means pre-planning dinners and emphasising cooking lessons with my son are a must. I know he’d be happy if I gave him money to eat out most nights, but what’s the point in working if all the money goes to eating out. I feel so bad leaving him to his own devices, and a bit scared, but he’s almost 16 and knows how to manage and what’s expected, even if he chooses to not fulfill expectations 🙂 Funny, I never worried about him being home alone when he was younger, but then he just layed around playing games, now he hops buses and chills with friends…I guess me being here doesn’t make that big of a difference in what he does, huh? Until girls are involved at least.

Ok, so I wrote this back in September and forgot to publish it. We’ve come so far, but God the freshman struggle is real!

I’m a stressed out mess. My son just started high school, between him adjusting to expectations and workloads and balancing life my stomach is in constant knots. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m done! I broke out the ACV tonight, it’s time to reset my system. 

Resolving problems, I’m better than this

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I’m feeling so much better today after last night’s vent, not that we’ve resolved or even discussed anything, but I took more steps today towards getting my own place and resolving this living situation. Finally, I got my housing voucher and now I’m waiting to hear back as I requested to port out so we are close to my son’s school. I can’t wait to be able to apartment hunt!! I’ve also decided to take my son and visit my mom next month, staying here long term just isn’t healthy so I won’t be back until housing needs me here to sign paperwork. Well, in the spirit of having to do what I have to do in order to keep from flashing, my son is off to stay the next 2 nights at his friends house and hit a water park. 🙂 Fun times. I’m off to a concert Saturday and hopefully hanging with friends, I need a break and some pampering. Hmm maybe Sunday or monday I’ll take my son to a movie for some family time, I think we both need it.

I can’t let either of us succumb to other people’s attitudes and laziness, we are not them and need to rise above so we can’t be dragged down, and believe it’s getting us down. Oh man, that reminds me…I need to find a church.

Well, as you can tell I’m in a hurry. More later.

The journey begins

Has it really been a year since I started this blog? It seems like I haven’t gotten very far, but I’m sure there are some small things if I think about it. There are just so many emotions to dig through and far more distractions.

Distractions, always so welcome.

I did start deciding last year and made a lot of progress…then distraction. My sister and her family came to stay with us for about 6 months. Hmm, maybe that was more like a setback in ways and trigger to other issues I need to work on. It’s real hard to progress in cleaning and decluttering when there are 6 people living on top of each other in a not-so-big 2 bedroom with no storage space.

Of course, once my family moved out relief set in. After rearranging the common areas loneliness set in. It’s so quiet when it’s just 2 people and my son’s a teen so it’s not like he’s around much, and it sucks cooking for just 2. I’ve found myself retreating to books the past month or so, I’ve become neglectful of some of my responsibilities. Not good.

One good thing about books is that they make you think and I have truly been doing a lot of that lately. There are some new developments that are forcing me to confront the past and think about what I really want. It is very difficult, I already struggle to shut my brain down to sleep. How can I truly envision my future if I keep ignoring my past? How can I overcome what’s holding me back if I am not host with myself?

It is time. I must do this. I’m so glad I rediscovered my screen name, I can’t keep this all in my head.

Hindering a night owl

I’m a night owl. Yes I can get up and do stuff during the day, but I do my best work at night. I’m finding that this goes double when it comes to cleaning house.

When my son was little I would do a thorough cleaning on one of my days off, usually from 11-3 AM. He would always get up the next morning and his eyes would light up in surprise and admiration at what I accomplished while he slept. I really miss seeing this look on his face, but he’s old enough to be a part of the cleaning process. Unfortunately I get way more accomplished while he sleeps. Maybe I should keep him involved in the daily routine but do the thorough myself. I guess I should think about this more.

I dunno, as motivated as I am at night to clean I have a houseguest for the school year who sleeps on the couch. I guess I need to just suck it up and find it in me to get this done during the day. 😦  So many excuse, I can’t pick just one.
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Cleaning house

Why is it so easy to put off cleaning the house? When my son was young I cleaned daily and the carpet was cleaned monthly, but now that he’s a teen I find myself frustrated and procrastinating. Yes I do the basics daily…dishes, counters, laundry, bathroom, vacuum…but the rest gets neglected or shoved away so the house appears clean. My son helps some but things seem to get messed up faster than we can clean. Hmm I think that is what has made me give up, constant cleaning after people.

Ive decided it’s time to change this. I’ve heard of the 15 min cleaning challenge and Declutter 365, maybe it’s time I try these out. I’ve lived here so long that it is time to purge, maybe then even if we don’t thoroughly clean daily it will still look nicer and motivate us. This will be a huge task and may take a lot to get my son on board, but I think we can do it, especially in small increments daily.
I do love the adrenalin rush I get when getting rid of stuff, I hope my son does too because his room is in need of this!

Good Lord, where do I start?