Who me, Suzzy homemaker?

Oddly enough I’m becoming more of a “Suzzy homemaker” than I ever imagined. Our new apartment with it’s new appliances has brought out the part of me that actually wants to clean. Yeah I still have my lazy days, afterall, cleaning up after teens who seem to find new ways to slack off can grind on everyone, but I’ve come a long way from where I was at the old place. I find myself, this moment, standing in the kitchen surrounded by new appliances wondering if there’s an easier way to wipe down the brushed stainless steel appliances without leaving weird discoloration steaks. The old me is laughing at, but proud of the new me.

Communication would have helped

Today was a pretty good day for the most part. There was some attitude from my nephew, but that’s becoming the norm on his new medicine (I pray they figure the meds out very soon), and then tonight hit…hmm, or was it thrown at the fan. Seriously I’m still sitting here trying to figure out WTF the real problem is because I know it’s not blankets. Is this how men feel in those stereotypical scenarios where their girl starts an argument over something trivial and won’t bring up the real issue?? If so I my heart goes out to anyone dealing with this.

No, I’m not going into the incident here, trust me it’s even more frustrating to retell and analyze.

I’m not a passive-aggressive person, I don’t sugar coat things for adults that need to hear the raw, and I don’t make up shit to cover what I actually said or did, I own it and will call you on your shit when you try to front. If something is wrong or needs attention then talk to that person! 

Maybe that’s part of my problem, I expect too much. Shit, I love my sister, but I can only bite my tongue so long and tonight was a night I had to let it loose, just enough. No I won’t be apologizing, I did nothing wrong and I know she won’t be apologizing either so…I guess we just keep moving forward, hopefully from different houses though. Just a few more days and I can leave for the month…

Want to know a secret? I’m actually jealous of sisters who are close and get along.

Want to know another secret?  I was kind of relieved I only have one kid because close sibling relations don’t seem to run in our family.

One disorganized move

So one question left to be answered since my blog sabbatical is how did my move go.

To be honest it was far more stressful and disorganized than I intended, even with my pre planning. Although it felt like I had purged tons I still ended up with over 10 boxes of random sort items and we were still packing as the moving van drove off! Yeah it sounds simple enough, just donate the boxes without looking, but we literally got to the point where we were just throwing everything into them even some things that actually get used regularly.

Thankfully I moved as much as I had packed and the big items early enough to leave me a couple weeks to finish packing and clean. The unfortunate party was after the moving truck left my son refused to even see the house again, this move has been hard on him. So it was me for a week pretty much doing it all myself. My sister came with me occasionally, particularly helping a lot towards the end. Although she wasn’t much help when it came to packing, she worked her ass of scrubbing walls and blinds and filling in holes.

All I can say is thank God for my friends and family who showed up and a $250 non refundable cleaning fee otherwise I would never have gotten out and gotten my deposit back! So all my stuff is in storage, my life in boxes, and I wait until I’m approved to find my next rental.

I hope I won’t have to move again for 4 years at least. Whoo, we did it!!

Resolving problems, I’m better than this

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I’m feeling so much better today after last night’s vent, not that we’ve resolved or even discussed anything, but I took more steps today towards getting my own place and resolving this living situation. Finally, I got my housing voucher and now I’m waiting to hear back as I requested to port out so we are close to my son’s school. I can’t wait to be able to apartment hunt!! I’ve also decided to take my son and visit my mom next month, staying here long term just isn’t healthy so I won’t be back until housing needs me here to sign paperwork. Well, in the spirit of having to do what I have to do in order to keep from flashing, my son is off to stay the next 2 nights at his friends house and hit a water park. 🙂 Fun times. I’m off to a concert Saturday and hopefully hanging with friends, I need a break and some pampering. Hmm maybe Sunday or monday I’ll take my son to a movie for some family time, I think we both need it.

I can’t let either of us succumb to other people’s attitudes and laziness, we are not them and need to rise above so we can’t be dragged down, and believe it’s getting us down. Oh man, that reminds me…I need to find a church.

Well, as you can tell I’m in a hurry. More later.

Escape

What do you do when you are stuck staying with family and things get to be much?

So much has happened since I last posted, the biggest thing being I made it through the move!! Seriously that is the primary reason I haven’t posted in so long, that move was consuming. So as of July 1 I officially became a resident of my sister’s couch. I can’t say it’s horrible but it’s not entirely a comfortable situation. So here I sit in my new used mini van that was gifted to us by a couple amazing and generous guys that I can’t thank enough regrouping and resetting my mind before I go back inside.

I have no money and my friends are busy tonight…maybe I should go read in a park. Hmm that doesn’t sound half bad.

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Bad time to be single

My sex drive is going bizurko! Seriously, I can’t get enough and I’m not even truly getting any! My anxiety level is ridiculous between the move, bills, taxes, and my son’s lack of participation in house and lessons; I need some real satisfying, more than I’m able to give myself. Or maybe I just need to re-channel my energy.

I found myself wanting to call my ex, he’s always down to be with me, but I can’t. His new roommate is a prostitute? escort? whatever and I know him too well; I know they are hooking up and he is not one to use protection. If I can’t trust someone to be clean then I can’t allow you in my body, even with a condom because those break. >sigh< Well, I guess I need to channel my frustrations because I won't comprise my standards, I don't have time to screen people, and I definitely don't want to go back any further in my past for candidates.

Sometimes it's hard being single, but I chose this.

Progress amidst distractions

The day can wait, there’s a Back to the Future marathon on today and I’m on the last one.

Hey guys, I’ve not posted much in the last week or so, not much going on. I’ve gotten a couple of drafts started here exploring my feelings on some things and my past, but my head just isn’t in it. I’ve even picked up boxes and started packing some, yes progress is being made.

So there was some good news this week, I was put on the wait list for a few townhouse apartments and got a call about an opening in June for one of them. Unfortunately I couldn’t jump on it, but it was good to know that I may not be couch during long this summer. I know you’re probably wondering why I declined, but I had good reason. For one I receive housing assistance and in order to move to another county I have to pay off all my utility bills which skyrocket during the winter so I need to use my money for this and then focus on saving a deposit. Two, it takes time to transfer the assistance to another county and I have no idea how long that will take if I’m not moving until July 1…you know apartments won’t want to hold the place more than a few weeks. So that is why I declined, I actually have my priorities in order and need to stick to them.

With things starting to fall in place I decided some family time and retail therapy was in order. I know I should have saved the money, but my son needed new shoes again and I needed a break. I have to say it was well worth it!

Well back to my show. Hope your weekend beautiful and you have a moment of fun.

Finding motivation update

Hey y’all, quick check-in after an tiresome few days.

Things are going ok. My son has had some very early morning commitments that I needed to attend with him so I’ve been napping a few hours each day then sleeping a few hours each night before starting again; it’s draining but we rose to the challenge. Yay us.

On top of low energy I am really beginning to feel the crunch of having to move. I keep stalling using my lack of boxes as an excuse, but in all reality I cannot stall anymore. It’s all coming to a head and I don’t have a choice but to get over it and move on. My neighbor is moving the end of this month and watching him sell off his belongings has not been easy. I’m trying to use it as motivation for me to do the same but I’m not quite there yet. I’m really going to miss my neighborhood.

With all of this taxi riding and napping laziness happening I forced myself to get out for a but today. I walked the mile to Grocery Outlet and hoped the bus home due to the heavy bags, but later I pushed myself to walk the mile round trip to a a corner store for a drink. It was so sunny, warm and nice, it felt great to get out. On the plus side I can see in my face that I am losing weight 🙂

Oh, piercing update: my lip is healing and looking good. My inner lip was pretty chewed up from the labret investing with the swelling, but the indent is now closing up since switching to the smaller lip ring (16g and a diameter that almost hugs my lip). I’m feeling good and think I will be piercing my nose soon, but first my hair needs attention.

Any fun stories from your week? Please share, I could use a smile.

Spring sun and plans = progress

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There is something about the spring sunshine that invigorates me. Just seeing it outside of my window energizes me. I have made even more progress on the house today and have clear goals laid out to accomplish before The Walking Dead comes on tonight. I can do this! I will be packed to move (daily necessities aside) by the end of the month then I can focus on the move out cleaning and giving/selling what I don’t get rid of this month. God knows I have a ton of boxes soured in the closet that need sorting after I’ve packed, almost 15 years of memories and hidden clutter that need new homes. For now I focus on what I see daily that I absolutely know will be going with us and what absolutely won’t. If I don’t break it down in these focuses then I will not make progress, it’s to overwhelming. I know by the end of the month I will have a box or 2 of thing that I just couldn’t decide on keeping and hope to just donate that box. It’s amazing how much accumulated when you don’t move for almost 14 years.

Here’s to a plan and steps to accomplishing it. Cheers

Now what?!?

I’m about to lose my $#!@. The end of last month my landlord let me know he won’t be renewing our lease in June (he’s renovating and jumping the rent $500), so we have 4 months to come up with a deposit, first months rent, pet deposits, and moving fees while keeping utilities paid. As if that want already too much, today my car broke down!!

Thank God my brother-in-law had AAA, it’s in the shop now. I have no idea how I will pay for repairs though!! I’m not working, my son has some health issues right now that require I’m there and is on disability. It’s so frustrating! I’ve never been out of work and struggling like this before. I know I need to put it on God, somehow I can’t help feeling so overwhelmed though.

Well now you know why I’m not able to sleep at night and why I so willingly welcome distractions. It feels so beyond me, but I know there’s a way. I’ve got this, God’s got me…this will pass.