Day made

Busy, just the way I like work to be; what a great Saturday. Today was different, it tries to start off badly but I didn’t let it. I had to jog to the bus stop so I was there early just in case, but the bus never showed up. I waited 15 min after due then walked to the transit center and managed to catch another bus which got me to work with 5 mins to spare. Whew. 

Hair wind blown and matted down from the humidity and my hood l, I want feeling the prettiest, thank God I applied mascara on the bus. A young girl made my day today, she kept looking at my eyes and told me I’m beautiful. For a split second I caught myself questioning her sincerity, but let it go as she seemed really inherited by my eyes. Tis made me smile 🙂 

But seriously, what is wrong with me that the first thing that came to mind is “it’s probably make someone feel good month at her school.” Am I really that damaged?  I know I’m cute, but I’m somewhat self conscious of my face due to my weight. There was an instance about 10 years ago now, when I was still skinny-ish, effete I was waiting by the restroom my son was in and some older teen boys walked by smiling in my face and acting like they were attracted, talking like they wanted to know me then when they walked off said psych and called me a dog and stayed barking. The crazy part is it was simply because my face had broken out a bit and I didn’t try to cover it 😦 no other reason, I was looking good otherwise. And yet, I have never forgotten that moment. Sometimes people just suck and no matter how confident you are in yourself words can still make you question your confidence. 

Long story short though, it was a great day. I met some fabulous people each day and I hope I make them smile like they make me smile. 

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Even my distractions are progress tonight

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Look what I finally did, it’s not finished yet, but I cut my hair. Yay! Just a quick pic to see what I need to do to the back still…not high enough yet, but the sides are done. Not much left to do.

Yeah this is still that faded our color I put in last month, I don’t have money for a new boxed color so I think I will break out my people manic panic dye that I forgot about. Hey, why not.

I just got back from the grocery store, walked the mile there and hopped the bus home, yes with my hair just like this, but I got my exercise in for today. I’m feeling good! Dinners baking so off I go to finish the cut.

Have a great night everyone!

Confessions

Sex, I’m addicted. It’s my only true addiction. I’ve been addicted to sexual stimulation since I was little, I’ve confessed this already, but my first time having sex I was 18…that is a story for another day though.

Sex tends to completely dominate my life at times. From 18-21 (when I became pregnant with my son) I was very sexually active and with multiple partners. Becoming emotionally attached was hard for me, yes, the pork of being sexually abused at a young age, but I digress. If I’m not seeing someone then I masturbate, heck even when I’m seeing someone I’m self gratifying. I’m insatiable much of the time which is why multiple partners worked well for me.

My big confession tonight is that I have been denying myself sex with another person for going on a year now. It may seem insane, but it was a part of my healing process. I want more, a relationship that is a fit for both of us, to do that I need to be in control of my body and truly know what I need and what I can offer. It has truly helped and I feel like I truly know what I want and need from a partner. The problem is that things have become out of my control.

With my housing situation out of my hands, up in the air combined with a lack of income, I am spiraling mentally. I’ve been hiding in books. If it wasn’t for this blog I would be completely lost in my head ignoring my problems. As it is I’m losing myself to bdsm literotica and novels the past couple of weeks and seriously dehydration sets in each day. I can’t tell you how nice it would be to completely submit to a man or men so I no longer have to stress over my current worries.

This has never been my style, not 24/7 full submission. I know this is just me trying to escape this dragged out move and what I can’t control. I don’t know how to change this, but it’s getting old. Why can’t I throw myself into cleaning or some other project, why do I keep using sex as my escape, control in an uncontrolled state?

I won’t give in. No booty calls. No sex club (that’s a new thought I entertained). No more books. I need a new focus…

A new reality, but how

I’m at this phase in my life where I’d rather live a fantasy. Hop a bus for nowhere, get a diner job, and marry Mr sexy good guy who sees me for the amazing, beautiful woman I am…
I’m tired of living my reality, I need a new reality. Is that even possible without making major change? If not then what change is truly needed?

This is on my mind; I need to explore this further.

Be you

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A-men!

Don’t be scared to be you…unless your a psychopathic murderer or worse, if so then just get help because you still are who you are so it’s ok to admit it so others can be who they are. Lol that’s so not where I intended to go with this.

Good day people. I’m up after only 5 hours of amazing sleep and am amazingly energized…I wonder if it’s still the adrenalin or thrill of the new piercing. I woke up with a swollen lip thanks to having to push the needle through twice, but it’s come down some and I don’t have plans but to clean and pack some.

Well I’m off to start my day, I mean afternoon. 🙂 What makes you different?

Accentuating me, my new piercing

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Yay, I finally got to add a new piercing! I know you can’t tell from the pic but it’s a black heart with multi colour jewel…too cute IMO.

This little booger gave me a hard time, but I persisted and finally it all came together. Ok so it was partially my fault for buying needles from a new source and not realizing that the stud wouldn’t fit into the end to guide it through… I ended up putting the needle through twice, leaving it in my lip for 20 mins the 2nd time to make sure the front hole stayed open this time. It worked and boom, I’m loving it. I was going to do a hoop in my lip on the opposite side, but because I struggled with the labret stud I decided I will order a new needle next month that will guide the hoop in. Hey, it will give me time to for the swelling to go down.

This will be my first permanent lip piercing,  when I was younger I could never let my lip heal. My mom was not a fan of facial piercings so as a teen every piercing was fresh and removed before I entered the house. Heck, at some point I just started using a safety pin them fastening it and rocking that over the weekend.

I’m tired of hiding my art, my vision, in not working right now so why not act while I have time to heal. Piercings are beautiful. I am beautiful.

More piercings to come.

Shout out to the creative and fun blogger, Sary Fairy

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I have to give a shout out to one of my favorite vloggers on YouTube, Sary Fairy. Her creativity in self expression and body art to accentuate beauty is admirable. Her vlog is fun and full of positive messages, even addressing, at one point, comments claiming “it’s easy for you to be confident, you’re beautiful” and accusing her of lacking confidence and using makeup to hide behind (watch here).

I don’t know her life story, nor have I watched all of her videos, but whatever her history or reasons behind anything she does do not and should not matter to anyone but her; who isn’t covering something up? Confidence is an emotion, a feeling, if body art brings out your confidence then embrace it! We should all be confident in ourselves in whatever way comfortable.

So here is a big Finally Fixing Me shout out to Sary Fairy: Your beautiful as you so go on and Express Yourself girl!

To view and subscribe to Sary Fairy’s vlog visit https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXcsSjtT-h_XwBzyJGSKtAg

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There’s a story behind art, even body art

Tattoos, piercings, dermals, and other forms of body modifications are each person’s form of artistic expression; their body the canvas, each chosen method of modification their medium. Art is beauty and meant to be appreciated, admired, discussed, but most of all it is a piece of a story.

Here’s a part a part of mine:

I was maybe 10 when my mom took my best friend and I to get my ears pieced. It was the typical Clair’s type store in a mall in the 80’s, you pick your piercing studs, sit on a stool, find and mark the location to pierce, then close your eyes as they place the piercing gun and pull the trigger, repeat next ear. Looking back now this has to be one of the most traumatic ways to pierce an ear.

In middle school I went back to get a second set of piercings in my lobes. Same process, but this time they missed the mark and the piercings were too close together for me to wear anything but a hoop in the first hole. I took the 2nd piercings out early hoping they would close, but that never happened. So disappointing, my design was incomplete and couldn’t be fixed. Stupid piercing guns.

I had so many visions that I could never act on for years after that. My mom refused to allow me any more ear piercings and any other placement as ugly. There was a point in high school where my vision was clear, I knew what I wanted next and exactly what to do. I grabbed my original stud (it was thicker), cleaned my ear, pressed it to the skin covering my cartilage, and pushed. It took some time, too many grooves in the stud, and oh God, it hurt that way. It seemed like it took a half hour, but it was through and framed perfectly. I can’t explain the rush I got or the satisfaction I felt, but every ounce of pain made it mine and perfect. There would be no more piercing guns or unqualified staff decorating my canvas.

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-Express yourself ~Madonna

Describe favorite piercings for pleasuring men

Piercings, I love them. I don’t know what’s sexier than a strategically placed piercing. It’s expression, it’s art, it’s an incredible orgasm enhancer.

The internet is full of opinions on piercings, we all know about the tongue, what about lips? Genital piercings, what locations feel great to you (or the one you’re pleasuring)?
What I want to hear from you are your favorite pierced locations for your man’s pleasure as I only seek to pleasure men.

Share away because I need some new piercings.