It’s almost Wednesday, why is the week going so slowly?!?! I have orientation for my new job on Monday, then find out my schedule. I so can’t wait! Why do I have to wait?! Very few people in my life know me well, well the old me, the me who enjoys working and getting paid. Heck, they don’t even know the me that loves Nike’s and coats, eating out and dining with friends; this girl has been hidden and denied too long.
It’s amazing how simply accepting a job has boosted my mood and confidence. It’s hard living life making ends meet but not having anything left to spend on fun…one can only do the same free things so many times before it no longer feels fun. Five years and I feel like I’m starting a new life, almost like leaving home for the first time.
Today I bought a shirt for my first day and can’t wait to shop for another. Tomorrow I plan to hang our big white board and set it up to operate as our command center, with me being gone so much my son will need a place to look so he knows what will need to be done and a place to communicate (hold our notes) so we don’t forget. I don’t know what my schedules will look like but I do know opening and closing shifts are going to happen, this means pre-planning dinners and emphasising cooking lessons with my son are a must. I know he’d be happy if I gave him money to eat out most nights, but what’s the point in working if all the money goes to eating out. I feel so bad leaving him to his own devices, and a bit scared, but he’s almost 16 and knows how to manage and what’s expected, even if he chooses to not fulfill expectations 🙂 Funny, I never worried about him being home alone when he was younger, but then he just layed around playing games, now he hops buses and chills with friends…I guess me being here doesn’t make that big of a difference in what he does, huh? Until girls are involved at least.
Today was amazing! I woke up to a missed call from a box store that I applied to Friday. Surprisingly they wanted to interview me today, Sunday. So after 2 interviews and some paperwork I am now employed at said box store!! I can’t believe it, amazing Sunday!!
After 5 years as a stay home mom and homeschool teacher, I felt the time was right to return to work. My son is almost 16, pretty independent and not home much, so why not? I tried looking for work briefly last year before finding out I needed to move, with no luck, but after a week of submitting applications I am finally employed!!
This is a big step, one that I’ve thought out a bit. I know that I will eventually need 2 jobs, Ke won’t be my dependent for much longer (3 more years where’d time go?). So instead of jumping into my previous job title, further utilizing my certification, I decided it’s better to start with my soon to be 2nd job so I can work up the pay scale a bit. Fingers crossed this all goes well. I’ve worked at this job when I was much younger so I know I can do it, and the company is amazing toward their employees so I know I can move up and will enjoy it.
I just had a short visit with one of my closest friends from middle school. Weird can’t express how much I missed her. She has always been that budda friends, the one who gets along with everyone and keeps the peace when bringing us together. It breaks my heart to know the life she had growing up, and to hear how the friends she keeps in touch with treat her. She is, hands down, the sweetest person I know and I hope things come together so her and her family can move back near me…at least where they are happiest. She deserves happiness.
There’s actually something about not having a car to drive on a regular basis that is freeing. I mean, yeah, it’s “good for our bodies” and “the environment” but there’s so much more to it. When you walk or ride buses you’re out there with other people. You see things that drivers tend to miss and share moments with people you never met.
Today I hopped the bus, something I don’t typically enjoy on a Sunday (Sunday scheduled have you waiting am hour at times), but I had to take care of some things. So I get to the spot, handle business, and see I have 15 min to kill before that same bus leaves. I see this little fish and chips place chillin in the middle of basically nowhere, only restraunt there. Best fast food I’ve had in a long time, even the driver was droolin (yeah it’s cuties fav layover spot apparently). Crazy how this joints there, hiding but thriving all this time but I never noticed it cuz my car runs a different route.
It’s like that though, it’s easy to hide and isolate yourself when you have your own house and car…while it’s nice getting from A-B-C quickly and without planning ahead it makes you wonder, what am I missing?
Ok, so I wrote this back in September and forgot to publish it. We’ve come so far, but God the freshman struggle is real!
I’m a stressed out mess. My son just started high school, between him adjusting to expectations and workloads and balancing life my stomach is in constant knots. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m done! I broke out the ACV tonight, it’s time to reset my system.
New jeans, freshly cut hair…I’m feel in myself. Swear I never thought I’d own white jeans again but these look good and feel great. And peep this, my hair skills and razor game have come a long way 🙂 What u think?
Happy Wednesday y’all!
Oddly enough I’m becoming more of a “Suzzy homemaker” than I ever imagined. Our new apartment with it’s new appliances has brought out the part of me that actually wants to clean. Yeah I still have my lazy days, afterall, cleaning up after teens who seem to find new ways to slack off can grind on everyone, but I’ve come a long way from where I was at the old place. I find myself, this moment, standing in the kitchen surrounded by new appliances wondering if there’s an easier way to wipe down the brushed stainless steel appliances without leaving weird discoloration steaks. The old me is laughing at, but proud of the new me.
I feel trapped
Bouncing between worlds
Hiding a part of me to exist in one world
Never, not either world
Because I’m fake
I don’t belong
Just in between
~Hapless Confusion 2016
I finally did it, this week I focused on me! Ok more accurately I treated myself for a change and no it wasn’t a shopping trip. Last weekend I met up with a friend from middle and high school to see her daughter’s rock band perform. It’s one of those rock camps, but damn some of those kids have major talent and her daughter is one of them!
My friend and I had a drink before the show, but didn’t get to visit much which is what happens every year. To my surprise she texted me to plan a day to go out for drinks at this bar down the street with live music. Our plans for Friday feel through, but Saturday we met up. It was a fucking blast! Seriously the drinks were strong and the band was hot how much better can it get? Lol ok add in the free drink that one of the sound guys bought us (which was all rum with a small splash of coke) and that was the perfect end to our reunion.
The next day I took my son out to eat and to the movies. It’s been ages since I’ve done this and long overdue. We saw Suicide Squad and Lights out (movie hopping is the only way to justify the cost isn’t it?). It felt so good to spend time just the 2 of us, I need to make sure we do so more often.
I have been neglecting a big part of myself for too long. I ask so happy I’m finally taking action and growing my friends and getting the heck out the house doing things I enjoy. I know the funds aren’t there to go all out, but little things here and there make a big difference. I feel so light and renewed.
Today was a pretty good day for the most part. There was some attitude from my nephew, but that’s becoming the norm on his new medicine (I pray they figure the meds out very soon), and then tonight hit…hmm, or was it thrown at the fan. Seriously I’m still sitting here trying to figure out WTF the real problem is because I know it’s not blankets. Is this how men feel in those stereotypical scenarios where their girl starts an argument over something trivial and won’t bring up the real issue?? If so I my heart goes out to anyone dealing with this.
No, I’m not going into the incident here, trust me it’s even more frustrating to retell and analyze.
I’m not a passive-aggressive person, I don’t sugar coat things for adults that need to hear the raw, and I don’t make up shit to cover what I actually said or did, I own it and will call you on your shit when you try to front. If something is wrong or needs attention then talk to that person!
Maybe that’s part of my problem, I expect too much. Shit, I love my sister, but I can only bite my tongue so long and tonight was a night I had to let it loose, just enough. No I won’t be apologizing, I did nothing wrong and I know she won’t be apologizing either so…I guess we just keep moving forward, hopefully from different houses though. Just a few more days and I can leave for the month…
Want to know a secret? I’m actually jealous of sisters who are close and get along.
Want to know another secret? I was kind of relieved I only have one kid because close sibling relations don’t seem to run in our family.