Haunted goodbyes

Is there a clinical term for overwhelmed and not motivated? I know I should be packing and purging, but I don’t want to leave the couch and fireplace to even get the laundry to fold. Ok, I made myself do that and other basics in household maintenance, but I had to MAKE myself which is not right.

Yeah there’s some depression and a lot of avoidance happening right now and most of it is surrounding the move. We’ve lived here almost all of my son’s life, about 13 years. We have so many memories here, both good and bad, it’s hard to say goodbye.

Typically I enjoy moving but what makes this different is that it is severely affecting my son. His friends, activities, and memories are here. He is upset, withdrawn, and showing it like guys do…”nothing’s wrong” then shutting himself away. Watching this affect him makes it hard on me. I busted my ass to ensure he had a stable home to grow up in, even remaining here when I wanted to run away from memories because I knew it was more important to give my son stability. Now I can’t even give him one lat summer let alone his high school years.

Maybe I’m feeling like a failure because I can’t afford the rent hike. Even so, I would refuse to pay $1650 for this small place. I guess I just don’t like to know I can’t swing something even if I chose not to pay in the end; it’s having the option to not stay due to the increase instead of having the decision made for me.

Then there’s having to go through things and purging. I still have things of my dad’s that I’ve stored away and things of his that are in use that need to be given away. I’m not thrilled about the memories that going through things will bring. Baby clothes saved for the 2nd child that I would never have. Baggage.

I have 2-3 months to get through this, I need to step up. I can do this. Maybe it’s a good thing we have to move, it’s time I let go. Make a list, table one room at a time before moving on.

Just 1 more night vegging then I start on the first room.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s