Show and touch, the start of my problems

When I was 4-5 years old, an older neighborhood boy molested me. At first it was like show me and I’ll show you, but he couldn’t stop touching. In reflection he really didn’t have much idea what he was doing, he tried to finger my “pee hole” (lol I was 4). Because of the pain from touching the wrong hole and his constant harassment I finally confided in my grandma.

I won’t forget that night. We had gone out for dinner, my parents and grandparents, and as we were getting out of the van I whispered my secret to my grandma. I don’t remember exact details, but there was a lot of questions by my family and lots of talk after I went to bed. The next day my parents walked over to his house and spoke with his parents.

I’m not sure what the kids parents did from there, but I don’t think they did much. I, however, was ban from socializing with him. My parents informed a few other parents as to what happened since their daughters were around my age and played with him as well. I was relieved to know that he wouldn’t be able to bug me anymore, what I didn’t know was that he would flip my world upside down.

I was young, somewhat shy, but was friends with all of the neighborhood kids. We were always hanging out, playing on my swing set, even started a club. After I told on that boy many of the kids stopped playing with me. I was heartbroken. It sucked being sent home when he would show up at someone’s house and to have people tell me I was making things up because he said I was. At 5 was too innocent to know how to contend with this. I started sneaking and lying to my parents, not telling them he was at my friends houses and even at 7 telling my parents that I was going to play video games with his sister when really it was him. I usually got caught.

As you can see this went on for years, in reality he badmouthed me to people throughout my teens even. My self-esteem plummeted, my friends disappeared until it was just me and 2 other girls in the neighborhood against the rest. I became very shy, angry, and insecure. This all carried over to school and other aspects of my life, of course I’m still discovering just how much. The results of this small, semi-innocent encounter at such a young innocent age is the root of so many of my problems. How could this 1 boy have completely changed me and my future?

Advertisements

One thought on “Show and touch, the start of my problems

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s